Definition of "enquiries"

Just before Christmas I was tapped from behind by another car on the A12. No injuries, no visible damage to the other car but mine had a cracked overbumper, nothing else visible. Exchanged details with other driver who accepted his fault.

Reported it to the insurance company and to the police on line just to get a report no, because of no injuries they are not particularly interested.

Turned out the other driver was not insured but my company sorted it out, the only problem was no loan car but the driver was billed direct.

Today I get a letter from the police:
"Although enquiries have been completed, it has not been possible to trace the other driver or vehicle involved"

What enquiries??? Nobody has bothered to ask me!

I think the fact that the driver was uninsured was a genuine mistake, he had only just bought the car and has settled directly otherwise the police would be getting a snotty email.

I can hear the conversation in the office....

"do you know who did it?"
"no"

Enquiries are now complete.

The mind boggles